I am beyond excited about this blog series. Confessions of a Tired Mom came to me after a friend shared an article from USA Today that said Coronavirus pandemic creates America’s first female recession. This article summed up exactly how I had been feeling lately. Women have taken the hardest hit through this pandemic. Most have either spent almost every waking minute with their child/ren since March trying to teach them without an end in sight. While others are trying to work with their children at home, and that leaves you feeling like you are doing both jobs halfway. While some are trying to piece together childcare each week to work outside of the home, with the guilt of potentially exposing your children. Then grandparents who are at most risk are trying to step up to help watch grandchildren. There is no good situation right now. I decided to reach out to some amazing ladies in different life stages for them to share what life is like during the pandemic, their struggles, how they have adapted, and the positive things that have come out of this crazy time. These ladies range from stay at home moms to empty nesters to a missioner in Central America.
Here is my Confession:
For those of you new to my blog I am Alex Trabue. I am a wife, mom to a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old, and a business owner. I am an enneagram 3 so for me to share feelings or personal information is completely out of my comfort zone, but I owe it to you all to know that I am not always positive and happy like you see on social media.
I love working. I love my business and this was the year I was starting to see the benefits of my hard work. For the first quarter of 2020, I was able to consistently pay myself each week for the first time in 3 years. THREE years for busting my ass and not bringing home hardly any money. Everything I made went back into the business, for THREE years our family said no to A LOT so I could chase this dream. And in March it all stopped. I had zero revenue in April and May. I have lost almost over 50% of my total year’s revenue in 4 months. To say this was devastating is an understatement. Being an Enneagram 3 I want to close the business. I thought what is the point in starting all over again. I can’t do this again. I am tired. But I knew in my heart that I would regret that decision for the rest of my life. I love this business. I love helping families and bringing joy to their homes by providing order. We work with family is some of the darkest times in their lives and I can’t walk away from that.
So I let reality sink in and dug deep. Since I was not bringing in revenue, I had to let go of 2 crucial members of my team and take on the extra workload. I also couldn’t justify paying for a sitter (and our daycare was closed) since I was not bringing in anything. That meant I had to get up at 4:30-5 am to work before my early risers get up. I also stay up late working after a long day of caring for two littles. Being a SAHM is not my spiritual gift. I love my kids more than life itself; however, work is what fuels me, it is what makes me a better mom. But we have made it work the best we could right now. Some days are better than others.
What I have learned in all of this is, I can’t do everything perfect as I prefer. My house can either be clean and I am behind on work or my work is caught up and my house is filthy. I can’t have both. I have also learned to stop and be present with my kids, which has been an ongoing struggle for me. I realized I never have this much time with my kids again, so I am trying to make the most of it. I also have given myself some grace for letting the kids watch tv more than I would like to catch up on work. Normally, I would be so mad at myself for allowing them to watch TV, but in this season, I am surviving.
Also, being home for days on end I realize we don’t use a lot of things in our house. I have gotten rid of so much stuff. One day my husband came home and said our house looks empty (haha). What can I say decluttering is my thing. It has made life at home much easier once I got rid of all the clutter. Lastly, I have an amazing husband and kids. We have had our ups and downs, but if you asked my kids what it has been like, they would say they are having fun. We have tried not to let them feel the stress of it all.
I hope you find hope in reading this. Our struggles may not be the same, but I want you to know that it is ok to feel frustrated, anxious, and exhausted at this moment. We are all in this same boat and just trying to get through it together.